Guess what? I'm back! :D My shoulder feels more or less completely healed and I am happier than ever! Two major blessings came from this wonderful experience that I really want to share with you and the whole family. What a great learning experience!

So there were at least two very important lessons learned here. First: How badly do I want to serve the Lord? I had begun to ask myself that very question. This area hasn't been the most fruitful in comparison to other areas and I was starting to get a little discouraged. Am I just not doing well enough? Am I not working hard enough? What am I missing? Then, came the questions, am I really here for the right reasons? Why in the world did I want to come on a mission so badly in the first place? Will God really grant me those promised blessings when I become a wife and mother? Will I be able to progress? Then, I messed up my shoulder. Oh great. Now I have an even BIGGER distraction. My shoulder hurts! I'm pretty sure I tore some soft tissue somewhere! I can't focus like this! I might as well just give up and go home. I'm not doing any good here anyway. (Any of these statements sound like they come from a loving Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS encouraging us to reach our eternal potential? I didn't think so either.)

I spent more time on my knees in my closet these past three weeks than I ever have in my life! (Sad, but true.) I plead with the Lord for understanding and peace. I professed my complete real intent but still the pain flowed longer and harder. Where was my relief? Where was my strength? Finally I prayed and said something like this, "Heavenly Father, I don't want to go home. I love Thee. I want to serve Thee all my days. Not just now. But Thou knowest that I need this time now to know how to serve Thee later. I have been preparing for this time all my life. This is what I have known Thou hast wanted me to do since I was very young. If it be thy will that it get cut short, then I will go. But if it be thy will for me to stay, please, I beg of you, lead me to a better understanding." I knew why I was called here. He knew how badly I wanted to serve Him. I just needed to recognize that fire that had been buried somehow. This IS the Lord's work. He guides His servants to those who are seeking for the truth. What a blessing to be a part of this great work! Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely have had to fight for something that I wanted. I've had a pretty easy life. I'm a pretty easy-going person. So when I felt like I had to fight for something that was already a righteous desire in the first place, it shook me. But the Lord taught me in that moment. Now I know that I am going to finish my mission here honorably.

Second: Our companionship was kind of...well not doing so well on the unity front. With Sister Fielding as the leader, of course less delegation is made and feelings of mistrust are created. Who knew that I was such a control freak? Well...I didn't. When I got injured, I was forced to rely more on my companions. I was still driving everywhere but because I really couldn't focus much, I had to rely more on the feelings and impressions my companions were receiving because everything inside of me was screaming, "Go home and lay yourself down before you hurt yourself again dummy!" (again, no love there. Not from the spirit.) Now, we are best friends. We laugh together, cry together and are much more open with our thoughts and feelings. There is unity here that we didn't have before. I was forced to humble myself greatly and realize that I simply can't do it all on my own. I need the spirit and I need my companions.

This is the perfect time of year for sharing the "glad tidings of great joy" our church has to offer. Our Savior lives. He loves us. He has provided a way for us to return to live with our Father in Heaven again with our families. God is the same yesterday, today and forever! "Shall we not go on in so great a cause?" I am so grateful to be able to continue to serve here. We have some wonderful investigators who are progressing slowly but steadily. There is not enough room in this email for me to describe how much I have grown to love this area of the vineyard. The Lord loves His children. He really does.

I hope everything is going well with you back home!

Love,

Sister Shavonne Fielding